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"John's Life Space" features a variety of content to many audiences. The majority of content is meant to suit an audience 13 years of age and older. Some material offered in this blog may not be suitable for all audiences and may include some topics too sensitive or discomforting to discuss. All advice offered in this blog is not meant to replace or substitute practical help. If you require counseling or want more professional help, please consult your healthcare provider, a psychologist, or any other qualified individual.

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

I Hate Your Lover!

John B. Marine | March 30, 2022 | | | Be the first to comment!
WARNING: The following topic may not be suitable for all audiences. Due to the subject matter of this topic, viewer discretion is advised. Parents of younger children will need to restrict or limit younger viewers from viewing this material. Otherwise, you are reading this material at your own risk.

Everyone is free to be in a relationship with almost any total stranger they love. However, there will be people who hate your choice of partner for whatever reason. They may be hated because of a lover's character. They could be hated because that lover may potentially be using someone. They could be hated because they go against what some people hate (for example, politics, religion, sexual orientation, etc.). Regardless, while you and your lover may be totally happy, there may always be someone who disapproves of your relationship. So how do you deal with these times? That is the point of this blog post on "John's Life Space."






I Hate Your Lover!


NOTE: I was going to use an image to identify this post, but because there were too many immature ones linked to this topic, I choose to go without an image for this post. Now let's begin.

If you watch a lot of daytime talk shows, the notion of hating someone's lover is a common topic. For example, there may be one person's mother who disapproves of a relationship her son or daughter has with someone else. However strong the hatred is between someone else is can be a deterrent to further developing and nurturing a relationship with a loved one.

Who Hates Others' Lovers?

Almost anybody. Usually, it may be a member of your family who disapproves of you falling in love with a certain individual. Some of the reasons why such hate exists can be any number of reasons. Here are a few examples of why some people would hate certain people an individual is is in love with in the next section:


Why Hate Others' Lovers?

• Hate the personality of one's lover. In this case, someone may have a personality that someone else may disapprove of. For example, you know how some say that "good girls love bad boys." Well, imagine if that "bad boy" is a serial cheater or a player, yet the female who loves him doesn't care about that. This is not going to be an issue unless someone discovers this male cheating on his girlfriend.

• Hate the lover outside of ethnicity, nationality, or culture. This mostly pertains to people thinking a certain person loves someone outside of one's culture and beliefs. An example of this would be a Black person who loves someone of a Latin ethnicity. It is as if to say someone should only date with and love people within his/her own ethnicity or culture. The person who disapproves of an interracial relationship would feel like he/she is damaging a certain ethnicity by dating outside of one's ethnicity.

Another example is if one person of Christian religion dates someone of Islamic religion. A clash of religious beliefs can be a big deterrent in keeping some loving bonds going. Especially if someone is opposed to a different religion, it can be fuel for someone to hate someone who thinks differently among religious beliefs.

• Hate the lover's sexual orientation. Times today are more accepting of LGBT+ individuals than in past times. Even still, there are people who can't stand anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or the like. Some people are still stuck in the past in dealing with LGBT types with past beliefs. As we've seen, a lot more people are accepting of LGBT individuals. So let's say a male is madly in love with his boyfriend, a female loves her girlfriend, or perhaps a male becomes romantically involved with a transgender lover. Some people who simply dislike or outright hate anyone LGBT will likely cringe at the sight of someone kissing or being intimate with anyone LGBT.

In the case of someone who is romantically attached to an LGBT partner and living with family members, there is a possibility that this person may get kicked out of the house or disowned because of his/her/their relationship with an LGBT individual. The parent or family member may possibly say something along the lines of "I didn't raise you to be gay." Some may even go off into a tangent saying that one will "go to Hell" for loving a LGBT partner.


Hate for Lovers: Crisis Situations.

However, if there are reasons to legitimately dislike lovers, it is in crisis situations, such as the ones mentioned in this section:

• Hate for a lover because of being against one's will, and hate because of a controlling lover. A real reason someone can hate one's lover is if someone could be in love with someone because of being held against his/her/their own will. As if to say the individual has no control over being in a controlling relationship. These are situations such as rape and sex trafficking. Half the time, certain individuals locked into such relationships are part of relationships one does not want to be a part of. This is definitely a time to bring attention to law enforcement. In these cases, he/she/they did not choose to be in such a relationship.

• Hate for a lover for controlling/abusive behavior. Also, another reason to dislike one's lover is if that lover is controlling and abusive. If you are the parent or trusted friend of someone in an abusive relationship, you certainly have reason to dislike a lover he/she/they is/are with. These are times of crisis. If the situation looms worse, you may need to get law enforcement involved or various hotlines to call.

• Hate for someone in a May-December relationship. If there is a significant age difference between romantic partners (usually 11 or more years age difference), this is another reason lovers can be hated. Some May-December relationships may not be shady at all, so this is mostly on a case-by-case basis.

These may be the best reasons and most acceptable reasons why someone can disapprove of a certain lover.


No matter what the case, the hate people may have for certain lovers is substantiated. People have their reasons for expressing their hate for certain peoples' lovers. Next section offers some thoughts in regards to hating other lovers.




I Hate Your Lover! - Final Thoughts


No matter what reason(s) someone may have for hating certain romantic partners, people will have any reason why someone should not fall in love with certain people. Even if you disapprove of certain lovers, the most important thing to remember is unless a person chose to be with a certain individual, being in love with someone who makes one happy is that person's business; not yours. The only time concern should be raised about who one loves romantically is in cases of domestic abuse or potential crisis. People have always been told and taught to love whomever makes him/her/them happy. We have interracial and intercultural relationships because people simply want whomever they feel most in love with and complete with.

When it comes to LGBT relationships, it is the same story. Even if a person has never engaged in a same-sex relationship, even LGBT relationships suffer when some outside influence hates someone dating an LGBT partner. It is the same situation in dealing with the relationship choices a certain individual has made. Only that person can dictate.

If there is one situation almost anyone can agree on to dislike someone, it is because of a controlling lover. Some controlling lovers can be despicable to the extent of romantic involvement with individuals against their will. These reasons can include rape and sex trafficking. For these situations, one may potentially need to get law enforcement involved to save others from danger from a controlling and abusive lover.

No matter what romantic decision(s) one makes or who one choose to love, one thing to remember is... unless there is any potential danger in a relationship, allow people to get into whatever relationship they choose to be in. Respect one's romantic decisions and give a couple their space even if you don't believe in the beliefs of one's lover. If you can, try to coexist with others to limit any would-be hatred. Love works when all involved parties come together regardless of differences. Without some sort of coherence, love can not exist.





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Friday, March 4, 2022

Understanding Others

John B. Marine | March 04, 2022 | | Be the first to comment!
Could the real reason why you don't get along with someone fully is because you don't understand someone? Maybe you do understand someone fully, but you get flustered with someone's behavior at times. How well you understand those you are around can help you to keep and maintain relationships with others. Relationships are not just restricted to romantic ones. I am also talking about relations between parents and siblings, employers and their employees, and the like. This blog post is a discussion about trying to understand others in the hopes of building better relationships.






Understanding Others


It can be important to fully understand other people when you feel you don't have a hold on how people act. This topic was something I thought of when I played the critically-acclaimed game, "Stardew Valley." This game allowed you to interact with locals and try to establish relationships with others. The more connected you feel towards others, you begin to understand their personalities more. In much the same way in real life, how you are able to get along with others depends on you gaining a general understanding of other people.

To extend the "Stardew Valley" discussion, there were some characters in the game who do not seem as caring until you get to really earn their trust. People whom you may have perceived to be jerks are actually much better people within. You begin to gain a different perspective of how others are when you learn about them and then adjust your own feelings to match their personalities. If someone seems rough around the edges, you may even begin to appreciate people more once you know about them.


How Important Can Gaining an Understanding of Others Be?

It can make a huge difference. Let us pretend a teenager is unwilling to connect with his/her parents because the teenager feels unloved. The teenager may begin to develop self-esteem issues and not be as friendly towards others as a result. The teenager may even struggle in school or always get into trouble because of various influences which make the teenager seem hateful. As the parents of this troubled teen try to reach out to him/her, they would wonder why this teen seems so rebellious. There may be a chance the teen could be shy about disclosing what seemed like a broken bond between sibling and parents. If the parents can understand certain things or reasons why their teen sibling has such a bad attitude, maybe the family can work together to try to repair a broken relationship.

Now let's use a married couple. Let's say one partner seems to only care about oneself more than others, or may have a foul attitude towards doing certain things. If this one spouse has had a history of bad things happen to that person, it impairs the ability to be happier or feel confident. A poor understanding by spouses can be even more damaging if there are siblings involved. Children of a married couple could feel depressed, nervous, perhaps even angry in seeing parents get along. Children could also develop poor habits and have lowered self-esteem as a result. The situation could be worse if conditions lead up to domestic violence or wanting a divorce. If things go towards divorce, a financial crisis could develop among the household. The only hope in this is that a general understanding could be met to help limit damage to a relationship.

So as you can tell, trying to understand people and their actions can help towards trying to repair or rebuild relationships. The best thing anyone can do is to try to understand how people are and try to do things to ensure no real damage is done to a relationship. If you fear someone you care about is acting in such a way that they seem unable to get along with, try to have a one-on-one conversation to help someone feel better. Otherwise, it can be tough to try to get a better understanding and try to love and care for others.


What if YOU Are the Misunderstood One?

If you feel you are the misunderstood one, try to plead your case and let the one(s) you care about fully understand how you feel. Try to gain an understanding that does not lead to more disagreement or a lack of trust. Disclose as much as possible about why you feel not as loved or not as cared for. Once that is done, it is time to think about what it will take to repair a broken bond or rebuild former happiness. This is an opportunity to show how much you care about someone who doesn't seem as caring or understanding about you. TAKE ADVANTAGE!


Some final thoughts are coming up, so go to the next section.




Understanding Others: Final Thoughts


Part of caring about other people lies in understanding them. Without a lack of understanding, we are never fully able to care for others or understand why they act in ways which make them seem horrible. In a time where we can really use each other to help build happiness and spread kindness, it is important we try to understand people who we seem to think have problems in being social and respectful. People are not bad just because they seem so uncaring. People can be rough to get along with, but there are reasons why people feel that way. Rather than condemn someone for not being real and respectful, it is more helpful and beneficial to understand why people act in such ways and then try to get along with them. Even the most savage beasts have caring souls. We must try to work with people to ensure we can build better relationships with others and better understand others. Only then can be work towards a brighter and happier tomorrow.





I hope you all enjoyed this blog and this blog post. I also hope you have learned something or took some advice to help make your life better. That is the point of "John's Life Space." If you enjoy my work, please Subscribe/Follow my blog(s) in any capacity if you love my work and want to support me any way you can. Share my blog post(s) with others if you enjoy my work. Thank you for reading! Take care and be well.

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