JOHN'S LIFE SPACE DISCLAIMER:

"John's Life Space" features a variety of content to many audiences. The majority of content is meant to suit an audience 13 years of age and older. Some material offered in this blog may not be suitable for all audiences and may include some topics too sensitive or discomforting to discuss. All advice offered in this blog is not meant to replace or substitute practical help. If you require counseling or want more professional help, please consult your healthcare provider, a psychologist, or any other qualified individual.

Monday, July 26, 2021

Are You Comfortable With Your Gender?

John B. Marine | July 26, 2021 | | Be the first to comment!
Conventional thinking suggests there are males and females. As we know, though, there are more than these two genders. Some are transgender, intersex, agender, and countless other terms. Better acceptance of LGBT in today's society means more people are changing up their gender, sexual orientation, romantic preferences, and more. This blog post pertains to gender. I also ask if you should question your own gender. So welcome to "John's Life Space!"


Before I Begin (1)...

This topic is a sensitive topic and may not be suitable for all audiences.


Before I Begin (2)...

I am NOT an expert at LGBT-related issues, but I do try to provide quality topics for discussion. Do not offend me too much as I try to professionally discuss this matter. This gender issue can be a confusing one for a lot of people, and I will try to do my best to discuss this topic in a proper and complete manner. PLEASE correct me on things if I provide misinformation.






Are You Comfortable With Your Gender?


gender identity
^ from: aauw.org - Do you idenify as male? Female? Any gender at all? Gender identity can be as vital a person's personality as one's name or any other traits.

This blog post was inspired by recording artist Demi Lovato announcing she became gender non-binary and changed pronouns from "she/her" to "they/them." As much as we all prefer to be properly called by our name and not given certain terms of endearment, being gendered properly is as important of an issue as any other. A person who may be named Michael, for example, may not want to be referred to as "Mike." Someone who is not gendered properly would be offended if considered something else. The pronouns we use and our identities must remain intact and be respected.

Seismic shifts in society thanks to LGBT types have made more people embrace simply being human rather than stay tied to conventional wisdom. For example, there were Toys R Us stores that did away with sections for boys toys and girls toys. Various celebrites have announced themselves to neither be considered exclusively male or female. Even a video game called "Calico" allows you to use whatever pronouns you prefer, even if you prefer being gender non-binary. Gender identity in a lot of senses starts to feel like it is going the way of the Stone Age.


Why Question Gender?

There are a lot of reasons why people consider their gender. For one, identifying as one gender means you are happy with your gender and all of the social norms and responsibilities that define that gender. So society has its gender norms and gender roles which define males and females. Anyone whose personalities are outside of the realm of any usual male or female is considered is usually grounds for ridicule. As we know, not everyone fits into the general category or persona of traditional males or traditional females. Therefore, some people consider themselves to not fit into qualities of males and/or females. As examples, there are males who wear skinny jeans- even if they have to wear skinny jeans made for females. There are boys who play with dolls. A female at birth who may wear feminine dresses and makeup may play a lot of intense sports and be ultra tomboyish. So some people are not entirely cisgender (identifying as and acting as one's birth gender). Those who do not identify as their birth gender often prefer different pronouns. Some even... go gender non-binary (or genderqueer or "enby").

The way I see it, people change their pronouns and genders because people simply feel they are not exclusively male nor female. Is this a bad thing? Who said it was a good thing? Most people simply have personalities and feelings opposite of what others' gender identity is. It would be proper to say people are just being themselves and defining themselves however they want and not be tied down to what is expected of them by social norms. So if you are a male who dresses up in high heels, flirty dresses, wear makeup, and still consider identify as a male; that is your call. If you are a female who eats potato chips, drinks beer, wear baggy jeans, and hate wearing dresses and/or makeup, that is your call as well. If you don't feel you are entirely exclusively connected to your birth gender and what it entails, then feel free to change up your gender identity. You can be a male with some female qualities; conversely, you can be a female with some male qualities.

Because there are those who do not properly fit in with "male" or "female" based on their birth gender, people change up their gender identity. They also want others to identify them properly using proper pronouns. So a male born a male who identifies as a "she/her" prefers to be addressed and recognized as such. Someone born male or female may choose to identify as "they/them." Usually, "they/them" as a pronoun for a single entity sounds strange, as we normally associate "they/them" with multiple entities. When it comes to pronouns for people, the pronoun most people would hate to be referred to as is an "it." "It" is more reserved for non-organic creatures, and to refer to someone as an "it" would mean the person in question is not a human at all, and that is incredibly disrespectful to that person. Even one Twitch streamer said, "if you refer to me as an 'it,' we're done."


Who Questions Their Gender?

Almost anyone of any age can question their gender identity or choose to exhibit features of either males or females. Even children may feel they are born in the wrong body or do not wish to exclusively be considered "boys" or "girls." So this issue affects ALL of us.

Becoming Transgender.

If you are not happy with your birth gender and perhaps feel you were born in the wrong body, a number of individuals go the route of being transgender. This usually involves going through a lot of surgery and the use of supplements to help properly become a member of the gender opposite of your birth gender. Being transgender can range from crossdressing to wanting sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) and hormone replacement therapy (HRT) among other medical practices.

Intersex Types.

Let's get one thing clear- transgender and intersex are two different things and are not related. Intersex means you were born with any number of features that do not exclusively consider you either male or female. Intersex makes you neither male nor female. You can sort of be like one or another if you are intersex.


Being Agender.

If you are agender, you do not identify as male, female, not intersex, and not even transgender. You prefer being genderless if you are agender.


So now that we've laid the groundwork for this topic, it's time I ask the topic's question. Advance to the next section.




Are You Comfortable With Your Gender?


As mentioned earlier, there a couple of instances to determine whether or not you prefer one gender or set of pronouns over others. What choices you make based on your feelings determine what sort of gender identity you prefer wanting to be referred to as. Let's look at some situations...


YES, You Are Comfortable With Your Gender.

If you were born male and identify and act as a male, then go with "he/him." If you were born female and identify and act as a female, then go with "she/her."

In this sense, you are considered cisgender- meaning you identify as and act as the gender you were born with. You are mostly content with your gender and do not feel you should be addressed by any different pronouns. It shows you are comfortable with and okay with being referred to by the gender you prefer to align yourself. That's even if you are a male who wears feminine clothing, or if you are a very boyish looking female. You may be a male who tends to smile a lot and even consider both looking good and keeping your space clean as most females may think. You may be a female who is tomboyish in looks and attitude. You can also be a proud parent based on whichever gender you align yourself with and prefer to be identified as. You could be a proud father who is female in appearance and act and identify as a female. Conversely, you could be a loving mother who is male in appearance and act and identify as a male. There are no worries for you here.


NO, You Are Not Comfortable With Your Gender.

If you were born male but act and identify as female, you can go "she/her." If you were born female but act and identify as a male, then go "he/him." If you feel born in the wrong body or want to change your gender orientation, you may go the route of being transgender. It may also be possible you can make yourself gender non-binary or agender.

Some people who prefer being referred to or identifying as one's opposite gender mostly are unhappy being one person. This may include a male who plays with dolls and wear skirts/dresses, heels, makeup, feminine lingerie, or feminine swimwear. One who feels more in line with being one's opposite gender are often not happy with their own gender. They experience gender dysphoria and seek change.


You Are Undecided With Your Gender.

There is a possibility you simply do not fit in with either male or female, nor do you want to be identified as one or the other. Maybe you are not interested in going through any serious medical work or anything to be closer in line with any gender. You may choose to be gender non-binary or even agender. All of these thoughts are perfectly fine.


So now that we have discussed gender in a variety of categories, let me offer some final thoughts.




Are You Comfortable With Your Gender? Final Thoughts


As much as we tend to question ourselves on a number of things, one important element of who we are is gender. Gender, while not a total barometer of who we are, is still a big part of defining us as people. Being referred outside of our gender can be as damaging as being called out of our names. So we therefore tend to choose a gender designation consistent with our personalities and traits. Positive trends for LGBT types mean it is okay to define who we are. It is more acceptable now to be born a male/female and identify and act as a female/male. Some may even be considered one gender but identify as another gender. Some may not even fit into any gender and consider themselves agender. You may have males who have very feminine characteristics, and you may have females who have very masculine characteristics. The one thing most individuals ask of others is to refer to their gender properly.

No matter what gender you identify as, gender is as much a part of who you are as your ethnicity, nationality, religion, and other factors. Most people would not want to be called out of their name, so why call people out of their gender (if they have a gender preference)? Part of respecting a person is to respect one's gender preference(s). If a person is born a male and lives or prefers being called "she/her," do not refer to this person by "he/him" or any terms referring to males. Even "them/their" for a single entity sounds strange to most. However, avoid calling a person an "it."

Part of what makes you you is gender. If you have a preference on the front of gender, let it be known to the world and make sure other people refer to you properly by your chosen gender. It is perfectly fine to choose your proper gender designation and proper pronoun usage. It doesn't make you any less of a person to go by a gender outside of what you were born as. If you were born male but act and identify as a female, you should be able to be referred to by female pronouns. If you were born female but act and identify as a male, you should be able to be referred to by male pronouns. Or perhaps you born intersex or identify as agender. Gender is a big part of who you are, and it should not be a deterrent to who you really are inside and out. It makes you no less of a person to identify as a gender other than your birth gender.





I hope you found my blog post regarding gender intriguing. I do what I can to try to discuss life issues on "John's Life Space." Be sure to Subscribe and Follow if you enjoy my work and want to see more of my blogging work as it becomes available. Here is a discussion question for you in case you enjoyed my topic here:

Are you comfortable with your gender? Or do you even identify as a specific gender?

Thank you for reading! Take care and be well.

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Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Turned Down on Social Media

John B. Marine | July 20, 2021 | | Be the first to comment!
A lot of us look to social media to connect with others. However, what happens when you disconnect from social media? Some say the best social media is connecting with others in person. That is not entirely true if friends of yours you know personally or old friends of yours from the past are your only connection to them. These are times where you get turned down by social media for whatever reason(s). That is what I am here to discuss in this blog post.






Turned Down on Social Media


Earlier in 2021, I retired from Instagram. Part of this meant my primary hub for image sharing was gone. It also meant people I known only through Instagram may be gone forever. An old friend of mine from High School and college recently dropped me as a friend. Because of my horrid past, I felt like I probably instigated getting dropped by someone. Some, though, simply just move on without you. People you thought were friends of yours and don't do or say anything as to why you get dropped often can depress us. Let's face it- not everyone will be your "BFF" (best friend forever). Even people you thought were loyal friends may ultimately turn on you on a moment's notice.

I felt connecting on social media will help me to try to re-discover old friends of mine from the past. I never had any kind of prom or yearbook to remember old faces. So I am entirely going on memory. Maybe some people will remember me; maybe some others will not. All I do know is that even when people ultimately decide to not want anything to do with me anymore, I still regard them as great people unless I was totally done wrong by them.


Who Turns Down Who?

Anyone from family members, friends, and even your lovers can turn you down for whatever reason(s). Some may not tell you up front. Some others probably feel you shouldn't at all be connected to someone within a certain profile. This means you have to contend with others who have no real desire to add you to their social media. The common mindset is that friends go everywhere and connect in every way. That even includes social media. However, social media can be a different deal altogether as to who is in your circle and who isn't. With this said, anyone can turn down anyone on social media- even including personal relations.


What If You Get Rejected on Social Media?

There are a lot of things you can consider if you get turned down by someone on social media:

• Try to Reconnect
One old college friend of mine re-admitted me when I tried to reconnect with that person. This person would later say I wasn't at all dropped. It was a sign of relief.

• Wonder if You or That Person Did Something to Get Dropped
You probably did something that caused one of your social media friends to want to drop you. That person may also simply do something to where he/she has nothing to do with you any longer. If you can connect and confess, you may be able to ask for forgiveness. Unless the offense was for damages to life and/or property, your chances of reconciliation are vastly low. You may also try to make sure not to commit the same mistake(s) again between you two.

There is one more possibility that is tough to admit and tough to do, but it's true...

• Simply Move On...
You may simply have to move on. It's sad you lost someone you thought you trusted and was loyal, but you may simply have to try to make new bonds with new people. People from your past are purely that- your past. Look to the future. Seek new memories and find new happiness with new people. That's the sad reality I've had to face knowing I've touched past personalities in my life in a happy way then. Just sad that they no longer matter to me, and that they moved on without me. When one door closes, another one opens.


It may not be your fault entirely that you get dropped on social media. Whatever the case, maintaining your happiness and well-being are important in times like these.




Turned Down on Social Media: Final Thoughts


Social media has its place in meeting people and maintaining relationships with others. When one suffers a disconnect, it can range from any number of situations and be because of any number of causes. If you feel left out by someone you thought was a true friend, you begin to feel depressed knowing you no longer matter in someone's life. You can try anything like trying to reconnect with someone you previously known or try to ask for forgiveness if you felt like you hurt someone. What is also a sad reality to face... is that you may have to simply move on. Try to find happiness and happy memories with newer people or different people. Those from your past will mostly remain that- a part of your past. Look to the future. Hopefully... a brighter future.





That concludes this blog post about being rejected on social media. Let me know what you think if you want to discuss this topic:

How do you get over being rejected by someone on social media, especially those who you thought were loyal and respectful to you?

Life issues is what this blog is all about. If you found this blog and its posts helpful, please considering following in some capacity. I am thankful for you to visit! Thank you for reading! Take care and be well.

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