Before I Begin...
If any of you have recently graduated from grade school or college, congratulations!Survival in Life!
Before I get into sharing my main advice, let me share a story with you. This will help set the tone for me offering advice on trying to get through some of life's toughest moments.
My Life Survival Story.
The setting is 1997. I began High School after facing a lot of troubles in Middle School. Halloween 1997- I was suspended for the first time ever, as I was suspended for fighting. I started feeling down on myself and hating the outlook I had on life. This was where I began developing depression in my life. Fast forward to 1999. I got suspended one last time and was sent to an alternative High School. Some of the ones who hated on me attended that other school. As I did well in my classes, I then was offered to go to an alternative magnet High School mostly devoted towards technology later that year. Yes- THREE High Schools in one year!In no way was I happy with myself or where my life was headed. I already missed many of my friends from my first High School. And as my mother was constantly upset about my rough progress through High School, I felt like I had to make graduation happen at this alternative magnet High School, because I'd hate to have to look to later in my life to get my GED. It was tough, but I pulled through the 1999-2000 school year. This even included completing my Science Fair project.
Then came the 2000-2001 school year. OH, boy... The early part of this school year was pretty okay as I managed to put forth decent grades. Then came a shock in 2001- I might not graduate because of two classes I failed at my first High School. This meant that instead of going to school just Monday-Friday, it meant I basically went to school EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. The two classes were at a community college I would eventually get my Associate's in the Arts from later in my life. The schedule in 2001 was Monday-Friday, Friday nights, Saturday mornings, and Sunday afternoon- just to get enough credits to graduate from High School. I felt even more hopeless knowing what challenges I was facing. If I failed to make it through High School, I'd never hear the end of it. I will have failed my family if I was unable to overcome these obstacles. All I could do was try to pass all of my classes so I could graduate. That's even if I barely squeak by. At this point, I cared more about defeating my demons rather than try to chase perfection. I ended up passing my extra High School classes well. Now it's about trying to get enough passing credit to somehow graduate from High School. Even as I was rewarded at the Texas Scholars banquet in April 2001, I felt further motivated to pass my remaining classes. As late May casted its shadow onto me, I was hoping my hard work to defeat my demons and try to stand tall would be worth it. Turns out...
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On June 2, 2001; I would see many of my new friends and fellow Class of 2001 for maybe the last time in person. More importantly, getting my cap, gown, and class ring proved that I made it. I faced all kinds of pressure in my life as well as things outside of my life and survived. This was the day and the moment I never thought would happen. I almost felt too disappointed in myself to feel I would never graduate from High School. Would it have been better if I had graduated impressive grades? Absolutely. However, when you've experienced some of the ugliest circumstances and have only little hope or encouragement, you'll gladly take victory over defeat. I was told by my Principal that there was "a surprise for me." So at the graduation ceremony, I was wondering what the surprise was. Turns out... even though I ranked dead last among my 15-Senior class, I was the Most Improved Student! When I found this out, I was SHOCKED! I couldn't believe my hopeless self graduated from High School while becoming the Most Improved Student of my class. I immediately went up on stage to receive my honors when I was called up. This remains one of the biggest accomplishments in my life even today. A depressing chain of events took me under, but I ultimately rose up to reach glory. Moreover, a burden on my (then) 18-year old self was lifted.
Looking back on my life now, I wished I didn't face such tough circumstances. I wished I didn't have to even go through going to two different High Schools besides the one I always wanted to graduate from. Sometimes in life, you don't always get what you want, and conditions will not always be favorable for you. The most important thing is that I worked to try to instill confidence in myself as well as try to prove to my parents that I am not a failure (as I was thinking at the time). I wanted to prove that my parents I was taught well to overcome any obstacle regardless of how successful I am. The point was- I made it. I survived. I am not afraid to admit I was a failing student when my life took a turn for the worse. What would have made me less of a person is if I quit and allowed my demons to win over me. I'd rather just squeak by rather than completely give up. You only get one chance in life, and if you blow it, you'll have to live with the consequences forever. It's why I tell people I am not any real success story. I am someone who found a way to win, even if it isn't an impressive one. A sports analogy would be that I managed to win a game by only a few points or win a race by less than one second. My victory wasn't impressive, but I achieved victory nonetheless.
Now that you know my story, it is time I offer some advice.
Survival Lessons Learned
What can you learn from me? How can I help others in a similar bind? Let me try to offer some points to help you.
You CAN Pull Through.
When faced with adversity, it is natural to feel as if you are completely hopeless. However, you are NOT! Even unconventional and unlikely methods of survival can be enough to help you deal through tough times. Once I felt my life go downhill, I had feelings that I would never again succeed. I felt I could never please myself or my family and friends. Athletes know this feeling of being down and needing some sort of run to reverse misfortune.Doubting Yourself NEVER Helps.
While it is okay to feel you will not pull through, it is important for you to avoid feeling down and out when there is still time to improve. If you feel down on yourself, it just gets tougher trying to get back to a respectable base. Time you could spend loving yourself and giving yourself a chance ultimately adds to why you will never succeed in the eyes of others. All doubting yourself will do is only make accomplishing your goals [unnecessarily] harder. Remember- you are your own worst critic. Which leads to my next point...It is Never Over Until It's Over!
Sports athletes and sports teams don't give up when there is still a chance to win. That is, unless there is no hope of actually coming back to win (for example, bring down three touchdowns in football with one minute left in the game). Even having little time to make a run at winning is still enough time to make magic happen. You must always give yourself a chance and make the most of your situation.Celebrate Small Victories.
Completing long-term goals often includes succeeding at short-term goals. If you lost some weight by exercising or eating better, those are victories. At least they help towards a goal in having a certain body or being able to fit into certain clothes again. Small victories for me was in having decent report card reports towards passing classes. Work to accomplish your small goals to eventually accomplish the larger goal at hand. When you accomplish one task, keep accomplishing as many tasks as possible to reach your ultimate goal. Do not give up until you reach that ultimate goal.Eyes on the Prize!
If you lose sight of your main objective or feel victory is out of reach, you will have already failed. The greatest individuals are celebrated most when they face adversity and defeat their demons. A sports team that comes from behind to win a game (and even a championship) are often the most revered and respected than someone who completely gives up. You can let your demons defeat you, or you can toughen up and try to win at any cost. Just remember- keep your eyes on the prize! You worked hard to get to this level; finish the fight.Do YOU, Not Others.
Okay- this is going to sound selfish, but it is better you do for yourself rather than try to impress others. You are not going to impress everyone. Only you know you best. So make sure to take any measures to take care of yourself and build up your confidence so you can accomplish your tasks. If you focus too much on trying to impress others or feel like you have to constantly feel you have to prove yourself every time, you are only making it easier to fail. Just worry about your own needs and try to get the job done as best as you can. As the saying goes, "If you want something done right, do it yourself."And finally...
Victory is Victory.
I did not graduate with impressive grades. I did not graduate with being happy and having high self-esteem. I basically survived and ultimately defeated my demons in High School. I will gladly take victory after having worked for it. I accomplished my ultimate task even if it was not pretty. My ultimate task was to graduate from High School, and I did just that. Work to achieve victory and regardless of style points, achieve victory nonetheless.These bits of advice can help you when you are down. However, what if you tried you could and still fail? That will be answered in the next section...
What if You Do Ultimately Fail?
You did your best. Beating yourself up over failure is not going to help you in the future. You just need to think about what you need to do to learn from your fail and try to do better next time in a similar situation. Even if the pressure to perform is self-inflicted, you have to love yourself enough to feel you can accomplish anything. I did not have the best life as a High Schooler, and I'd be lying to you if I told you I had life easy and always made the best results. I even look back at bad experiences in my life and thought about how I could have done better if I faced the same situations again. There are even times I work on my computer and feel sad knowing I could have done better even if I barely succeeded in life. I didn't ask for the tough circumstances I faced, but I came through regardless, even if not in any impressive way.
Most importantly, do not let yourself be defined by your failures. No one is going to win every battle and every contest all the time. We sometimes need to experience failure to better appreciate being successful. Let failure motivate you, but not define you. Don't have a stigma of failure that curses your ability to ever be as great as you want to be. If you develop this stigma, you feel every attempt to make yourself better is a foregone conclusion that you will fail no matter what. Having this stigma only makes it harder for you to feel happy or feel you will ever become any kind of success.
Be sure to always give yourself a chance even when you feel hopeless and/or worthless. Not everyone can stand for themselves, and if you can't fend for yourself, it is always okay to ask for support from family and friends. Get all the motivation and hope you need. Having a support system will help make life better and better your chances of accomplishing a goal.
No matter what life throws at you, it is best you are well equipped and prepared to take on life's challenges. You must love yourself before you expect anyone else to love you. You must believe in yourself before expecting anyone to believe in you. Survival is possible. You just need to work to make it happen. Somehow, perhaps even you too will be able to accomplish goals despite insurmountable odds.
These brought back some difficult memories for me, but I always try to provide happiness and hope while discussing tough matters. I hope you can appreciate my efforts in this blog post. I also hope you can stay with my blog(s) for more content and for more advice. I want to help make the world a better place any way I feel I am capable of doing so. Care to discuss? Here's my question for you:
How did you overcome obstacles you felt you couldn't win? Or did you experience any extreme circumstances in your life that you were able to overcome somehow?
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